


Narrowed Down to Three

by PassionateFangirl



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Brotherly Love, Gore, Nightmares, PTSD, tcesters stay away
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:13:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27353266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PassionateFangirl/pseuds/PassionateFangirl
Summary: Raph saves his brothers from a falling building.Leo has PTSD.Mikey pretends it didn't happen.Donnie needs time to heal, both physically and mentally.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

They had taken out Baron Draxum.

They had kicked Big Mama's ass multiple times.

They both destroyed and freed the Shredder from his dark armor.

So why, oh why couldn't Leo move from the giant skyscraper that was falling?

He felt a large, spiky arm encircle his waist, and the cold scales of his youngest brother holding onto his sash. Donatello's hand gripped his own. Unable to feel, to panic, to even accept the sweet embrace of death, Leo sunk the ground as the sun was blocked out.

"I love-"

There was a thundering crash, like 17 missiles went off alongside a nuclear bomb. The pressure was nothing they had ever felt, the closest comparison perhaps being the Shredder's own punch. They were dead, oh most certainly dead, and the mutant most likely survived. This plan was stupid. His plan was stupid. Knocking down a building to trap a giant mutant only for it to fall the other way? Leo could hear the blood still rushing in his own ears and-

Wait. His heart hadn't stopped beating. He wasn't dead yet.

When Leo uncovered his eyes from what he was sure would be his grave, he instead saw his brothers cowering beside him. It was dark, but Donnie's sparking battle shell had given them a little dim light to work with. Above them, sheltering them from debris and other harm, was Raph. He towered over them, his lumber size providing easy cover. His face was stuck in a grimace, surely from the absolute pain that came from holding up a _building_.

"Raphie?" Mikey asked. He climbed out of his shell, staring up at the eldest brother.

Raph didn't answer. Sweat poured from his face in puddles.

"We gotta get out of here." Leo scraped for his mystic powers, a tiny portal opening and closing. "No, come on, not again!"

"Leo, you gotta calm down." Donnie whimpered. "It's not gonna work while you're still panicking."

"But Raph-"

"S'okay." A hoarse voice said above him. Raph opened a bloodshot eye, and gave a quiet nod. The debris above them shifted, and dust sifted down to cover them all. Leo tried to breathe.

They still had a chance to catch the mutant. Right now he needed to get his brothers home. Leo closed a fist around his heart and summoned a small kunai, and twirling it in a circle over them. Blue light crackled and fizzed from the ground, opening up into a flashing portal that easily sucked them down into the safest place he could think of: home.

Leo hit the floor hard, his shell aching. Some of the debris came with them, and he quickly closed the portal before any of them could get hurt. But, as usual, he was somehow still too late, and a large ragged chunk of cement held Donnie down. Mikey was pinned underneath too, trying to use his own sturdy shell to push it off them.

"D-don't worry! I gotcha." Leo allowed Mikey to give him the brunt of the weight, and together they flung it off and into a heavily cracked wall left over from the Foot Raiding a few weeks before. Donnie cried out, his battle shell in pieces, some of which were pressing deeply into his soft shell. Shining red spurts of blood forced Leo to hold down his lunch from earlier.

"Donnie! Donnie!" Mikey screamed. "Are you okay? Where does it hurt?!"

"EVERYWHERE!" Donnie sobbed. "I NEED PAINKILLERS, A MIRROR, AND A FUCKING TWEEZER!"

Leo gave a quick glance at his elder brother. He'd have to wait. He'll be okay, Raph was strong. Donnie needed tending to first, after all that's what Raph would have wanted. He picked up Donnie, trying to ignore his screams of protest and pain, and quickly brought him in the med-bay. "DAD! DAD, HELP US!"

In a flash, the old rat was at the door. A face of horrified surprise flashed across his face, before a stoic determination returned. Splinter scurried onto a chair, stomping on the height stick to lift himself up. "You're going to be fine, Purple. And you two!" he pointed at Leo and Mikey, who had suffered the least amount of injuries. "Bring Red in here!"

The two youngest scrambled back into the main room, nearly tripping over splinters of their skateboard ramps they had yet to clean up. Raph hadn't moved from where he was, clearly still exhausted from protecting them earlier. He was lying on his side, head lolled but eyes open and sleepy. Huffing, Leo slung one of Raph's arms over his shoulder. "Come on, buddy...you gotta help us out here..." He started to move him in a straight sitting position, only to hear a devastating crack. _Shit._ Which bone had he just broken? The slider felt his throat constrict, but he began moving forward anyway. "D-don't worry, big brother...just a little further...Mikey, you got his back, right?"

"Leo?"

"Mikey, you gotta help."

"Leo!"

"Mikey, I'm serious!" Leo snapped, whipping his head around to see Mikey. "If you don't help me get him to the med-bay he's gonna-!"

Leo stopped talking.

Mikey held a bloody, broken piece of Raph's shell. He was shaking like a leaf in autumn, and sniffed. "I don't...think...we can. Right now."

Leo finally blinked the blurry fuzz out of his eyes. He looked down at Raph. This wasn't right. His skin was pale. His eyes were open, but not focusing on anything. His jaw, it was red, redder than his bandanna. Leo realized the red had gotten on him too, pouring down in falls and painting the old concrete floor a nasty color. Leo carefully helped Raph down onto his plastron, muttering "sorry bud", and looked at his shell.

It was like a buzzsaw had cut through it, and then tossed it into a woodchipper.

Small pieces were strewn on the floor. Scattered, like mahjong tablets. More blood poured from the snapper's back, circling the eldest brother like he was a cracked egg. Tendons and bones were visible on his elbows, and Leo held a hand to his mouth. After shakily getting down on his knees, he looked for any sign of consciousness that he was still with them. They still had a chance. His eyes were still open.

"Raph?" Leo shook him gently. "You there? Y-you don't have to wake up, just give me a sign."

Raph stared blankly at the wall.

"Raphie?" Leo was starting to panic now. "Raphie, come on, you're tougher than this. Just, just look at me. Don't even have to move your head, Raph. Raph, come on, you're scaring me. We'll fix your shell. I-I can give you blood, if you need it. Raph, come on! Raph! RAPHAEL YOU IDIOT JUST LOOK AT ME!"

Raph's gaze remained fixated on nothing.

There was a scream, a devastating cry, and the last thing Leo could remember clearly was quickly forgotten.

Things were strange from then on. Scattered. Leo would trying swipe a memory, but he could never reach it in time. He could still hear the echoes of a voice screaming "NO", and it wasn't stopping. Something grabbed him. He felt lightheaded, then heavy, and lightheaded again. Darkness was the only visible thing to him now. He was holding onto something freezing and unmoving, almost shaped like a hand. He was forced to let go, and he heard more screaming. Who had been screaming? Why wouldn't they stop? His throat hurt.

Oh.

Those were his screams.

That was Raph's hand he held.

Leo was falling, falling, blind and deaf in a tunnel. People were touching him and he didn't want to be touched, something sharp sliced his hand but he didn't care. He tripped over something. He fell, hitting his head. Then the world was silent. Leo gazed up at the flickering memories, as he was suspended in midair in a state of unconsciousness.

His hands felt heavy. He looked down at them and saw he was holding Raph's empty shell. No, that wasn't right. Where was Raph? He couldn't hide in his shell. Then it broke apart, revealing a mass of watery blood that floating up to the ceiling. Leo tried to grab it, but all he could gain was a ragged red mask. Dead eyes, familiar eyes, no, _Raph's_ eyes looked through it, straight through _him_. Leo began biting the scarf, screaming through his teeth, until it was all gone and there was no chance of getting it back-

Leo opened his eyes. He...he was in bed. He recognized the smell of the sheets and the plastic that sat above him on shelves. He groped around for what he hoped was his sleeping mask, but instead brought up a red scarf.

The slider shot up and threw it across the room, where it made a soft _thwap_ against the wall. He summoned his katanas, pointing the ends of the blades at it, expecting to find those dead red eyes looking at him again. Yet, there was nothing this time. Just blank holes for somebody else to fill using their own face. But who would ever do that? This was Raph's, and only Raph could use it.

_Raph._

Leo blinked, and his sleeping mask was in place of the red facial scarf. So he had found it under the sheets. Raph's scarf was never in his bed with him. His hands were shaking, swords rattling. Or was it his own chattering teeth? He couldn't tell. Leo dropped his blades, letting them fade into mystic mist, and noticed a throbbing feeling on his left palm.

He looked at it. It was bandaged up. Part of him wanted to mess with it, but the other half of him was too tired to do anything. Still, he opened it up, and saw a nice jagged slice in the middle of his palm. Memories flashed. Blood, eyes, blood, blood, bones, blood, eyes, more eyes, so many eyes and buckets of blood coating him until he was practically swimming it, it was hot, it smelled, he hated it, the blood was supposed to be in Raph and not out here-

Leo tumbled over the side of his bed, throwing up. The images wouldn't stop flashing. The blood caked on his arms as he was pulled away from Raph by Splinter, the stuff bubbling all over his shell like some horrifying connection of rivers, pouring like pitchers. Worst of all, the blank eyes looking at him and not looking at him. Oh pizza supreme in the sky, _Raph's eyes_. Why wouldn't they close? Why were they still looking at him?! Leo coughed up the last of whatever he had, and wiped his mouth with a wrist. He hated the taste of bile. His stomach growled softly.

Leo slumped back against the wall, letting a portal encircle him below as he fell onto the breakfast table. He rolled over, hitting the hard floor, and sighing. His stomach yelled at him to at least eat something while he was here, so Leo got onto his knees. What an empty kitchen. The cabinets were haphazardly bolted together, and the smell of old pizza boxes filled the air. But no Raph. Not even his "hungry stink" or whatever he called it. Leo grabbed the edge of a broken counter and stood up. His blue eyes glanced around the room. Leo took a deep breath, something that hurt, and walked to the fridge.

Wait.

What if he opened it and Raph's head was in there? Staring at him?

It was a stupid, irrational fear, but Leo believed it anyway. He started walking back, away from the fridge. Away from the leftovers. His throat burned, begging for something to drink. He kept walking backwards, until he fell over the side of the second floor and through a portal, ending up where he began. On his bed, tired and hopeless. He felt like he was still dreaming. So he went back to sleep, hoping he'd wake up to find his brothers and a good breakfast.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention readers! As of now, I have rewritten Chapter 2 to better suit the pacing I wanted. I hope this flows better. Tell me your thoughts in the comments below.

_"Can you sing me that song again? The one about the three birds?"_

_He let out a small puff of a sigh. "Fine, but only if you promise to actually sleep tonight."_

_"I promise I promise I promise! Sing it, Raph, please!"_

_He cleared his throat. "Don't you worry...about a thing. Cause every little thing...is gonna be alright..."_

Leo smiled. Raph's large hand would then pet his head, helping the little boy sleep. He could almost feel Raph's body curling around him, instinctually trying to keep him warm. He sniffed the air, searching for the smell of strength and big brotherliness, but found only the smell of a sewer rat. Leo's eyes shot open, and he found his father sitting on the bed. Chin in his hand, staring lazily at a wall.

"Dad?"

Splinter looked up, an ear twitching, and smiled when he saw Leo. "My son." He hugged him, which was a thing that never happened, but Leo wasn't going to question it. He hugged his dad back, soft fur brushing against his fingers. Splinter had to let go eventually, and he helped Leo sit up. "Are you alright Blue?"

"...Had a crazy dream." Leo said. "Raph fucking died and then there were all these eyes staring at me." He began chuckling. "But that sounds insane, doesn't it? Dad?"

Splinter looked at Leo solemnly. His tail twitched, and he took a long breath before placing a hand on Leo's own.

"Leonardo, I want you to listen to me closely."

Leo went stiff when Splinter used his full name. Leo swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the throbbing on his hand. "What is it, Dad?" He knew the truth, but didn't want to believe it.

"Raphael...Red...he..." Splinter choked something down before reassuming his parental authority. "Raphael gave his life to protect you and your brothers."

Leo was silent for a moment. He stared down at his hands, flexing them for a moment. "How long?" He asked quietly.

"Yesterday."

"The body?"

"In the med-bay."

"Donnie? Mikey?"

"Purple is in bed recovering from his own injuries. Orange is...trying not to think about it."

An uncomfortable silence passed over them. The room felt heavy. Leo's heart dropped into his intestines. "...He can't be dead." The slider whispered. "He just can't. Raph's too strong..." Leo hiccuped, raising a shaking hand to his face. Groping his cheekbone, Leo let his body lurch with the first of many cries. "Dad...dy." Leo sobbed. " _DADDY!_ "

Splinter grabbed Leo and held him close. Leo wordlessly let out a wail. It wasn't a cry, or a scream. Just a long, lazy, sound, like some beast roaring into it's forest. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!"

"I am...here." Splinter said softly, his own tears sliding down his cheeks and staining his greyed fur. Leo screamed, clutching his father and crying into his robe. The halls seemed to shake from the cries of the young turtle. It was like Heaven opened up and the tears of every saint upon their matyred deathbed echoed.

How much time had passed? Honestly, neither the son nor father knew. All Leo could hear was his screaming. "WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE?" He wailed. "WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE?!" Leo began to choke on his words, unable to breathe, and he felt nauseous. Ugh. The taste of puke was still in his mouth. It reminded him of how hungry he actually was. "D-daddy-y." He croaked.

"Yes, Blue?"

 _Can I have breakfast?_ He wanted to ask. _Can I have a drink too?_ _Can I see my brother's body? Can I see how Donnie is doing? Can I take Raph's place?_

"C-can I be alon-n-ne?" Leo said instead.

There was a slight pause, and a gentle rubbing on Leo's shell.

"Of course, my son."

Splinter hopped off the bed and tottled to the door. He gave Leo one last, tearstained glance before disappearing behind the swishing blue curtain.

Leo sat in his bed. He wanted to die. Everything in him hurt. He touched a hand to his plastron, pressing down, and allowing himself to gag. Raph was gone. He wanted to believe this was a nightmare, but his tears wouldn't let him. It was his fault. He knew it for sure. It was his fault Raph was dead. It was his plan. His fault. Raph would still be here, smiling and cracking stupid jokes only bigger brothers could, if Leo hadn't hesitated with his portal.

An inhuman wail emanated from his throat.

 _He_ killed his brother.

The world was pitch black for a second.

Then Leo sat up so fast in his bed he hit his head against one of his shelves. Whimpering, several of his action figures fell around him. The light seemed different. He had fallen asleep, somehow. He looked over at his nightstand, where a small tray of tea and warm croissants awaited him. Leo picked one up, it's spongy insides and crumbling outside so enticing for one to eat. And was that a hint of butter?

He gently closed the edge of his beak around it. Warm bread filled his mouth, delighting his tastebuds. Leo munched on it, ignoring the bits of the curst that fell on his sheets. The slider also reached for the tea, taking a long sip. It was lavender. Dad must have made it.

For a long time, he just sat there. Holding the cup and the half-eaten bread crescent. He didn't seem to care when the bread started to grow a little staler than before, or when the tea went cold as he drank it. He started crying again, silent sobs wracking his body back and forth. The food was gone, and he was alone. He wiped at his brow, trying to ignore the upset feeling in the middle of his plastron. He tried to not whimper like a child. He had to stay strong. But how could he stay strong when he was a murderer? He wanted his big brother.

The covers came off. Scaled feet padded across the stone floor, down the stairs. Leo ended up in front of the transparent doors marked "med-bay" with a large sharpie marker. It was warped by the plastic, but there was somebody in there. Somebody large and tall. He wanted to see his brother. To give him the respect he deserved.

Leo trembled, his hand just ghosting the button to unlock the area and enter. To see his brother's body, to try and tell himself that it was okay and he didn't do anything wrong, to see he was at peace and let this whole thing go. But how could he? It _was_ his fault. The body, ever still, mocked him from behind tinted green doors.

Should he really go through with this?

Leo pressed the button. The doors slid open, bright fluorescent lights making him squint. In the middle of the room, incense placed just next to it, was Raph's figure under a white sheet. Ignoring any reluctance he still had, he ran up and tore the blanket off halfway, revealing Raph's horribly bloody face. His still-open eyes staring up at the ceiling. Leo could no longer hold back his tears, and began to scream again, laying his body over Raph's cracked plastron. "I'm so sorry...Raphie I'm so sorry..."

"Leo." Raph said.

The slider's head shot up. The corpse was no longer unmoving. Raph was staring at him with glossed eyes, and flies buzzing around his mouth. Blood caked his face, and he scowled. Leo bit his lip, stifling tears. "Raph I-I'm sorry, this is on me. If I hadn't decided on that stupid plan-"

"You're damn right it's on you." Raph started sitting up, forcing Leo to back up. The white satin fell to the floor, and his brother's hulking figure loomed over Leo. "I wouldn't be laying here covered in blood and flies if you were just a good leader for once." With a loud heave of metal, Raph was on the floor, his bones cracking and spilling from his knees under the pressure. Somehow he remained standing.

"Raph, I'm sorry, l-let me make it up to you." Leo offered, terrified by how angry he looked.

"Make it up to me? I'm dead, you little shit. The only way you could ever repay me is by dying your damn self!" He reached out, a hand larger than Leo's own face wrapping itself around his neck. It felt cold and muddy. He choked, as he was slowly lifted into the air. Raph's dead face, pale skin and all, was right in front of him. Grayed out eyes staring.

"Repeat after me: It's all your fault." He began to squeeze.

"Okay, okay, It's all my fault, please let me go!" Leo whimpered.

"LOUDER!" Raph's fingers were getting so tight he couldn't breathe.

"IT'S ALL MY FA-" Leo gasped. "M-My..."

Raph frowned. A bug crawled in-between his mouth and eye. "I shoulda known better than to think you could do even this simple little task."

"Raph..." Leo squeaked, reaching for his brother's cheek. "N-no." _I can say it! It's all my fault! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! RAPH I DON'T WANT TO DIE-_

Raph, without emotion or even a blink, clenched down fully on his writhing neck. Leo's _head erupted into blood and thousands of eyes splattered all over the floor, looking up at him even though he was no longer there._

Leo gasped, waking from his hallucination. _It was just a nightmare. You're okay. You haven't even entered the room yet, Leon. It's okay. You're alive. Alive when you should be the one dead, but alive. Shut up._ And with that he made his decision: no, he would not go in there. He didn't deserve to desecrate Raph with his presence. Leo looked up to give a final, wordless goodbye-

Only to find his brother's face right in front of him with the dead eyes he hated.

Leo ran. He ran faster than he ever could, jumping and crashing into walls and falling face-first into the bathroom. He ignored the bruise from the tile and shut the old wooden door, panting. It wasn't real, it wasn't real, it couldn't be real because Raph was dead. Logic and emotion fought in Leo's mind, pulling him in different directions until it hurt. His stomach twisted in on itself. He turned, placing both hands on the edges of the sink. No, he can't throw up. No. He wasn't about to waste more food. He didn't want to be another waste. But he _was_ a waste.

He was so tired of fighting the truth. Leo gagged, growing sicker and sicker, until he was in a heap against the cabinets. The smell of acid stained the room, making the slider's face scrunch up in disgust. What had he done? Why did he think it would be a good idea to see his brother's body? To see his failure right in front of him? So many emotions were going through him. Which one should he focus on? The nightmare? The death? The want to feel his brother's hand in his one more time? Leo closed his tired eyes.

_Get up, you lazy shit. You've slept enough._

Leo exited the bathroom and started walking. Back to his room? No, that meant more sleep he didn't need. The kitchen, maybe? No, he just threw up. There wasn't any real destination. He just had to get someplace safe, somewhere calm where he could forget this was happening and ignore the fact his brother was dead. He kept walking and walking and found somewhere his body deemed "safe".

It smelled familiar, a little too familiar, so Leo opened his eyes to see where he ended up. Red walls and a shelf covered in teddy bears greeted him. Several small weights were scattered on the dusty floor, and in the middle of Raphael's bed was a snoozing Donatello.


	3. Chapter 3

"Donnie?" In the chaos of Raph's passing Leo had completely forgotten about his twin's injuries. He hurried over to the bed, and a sleepy pair of purple eyes greeted him. Donatello was stripped of all his battle gear, including his mask.

"...Leo?"

"Donnie, oh thank God you're okay."

"...More or less."

"Why are you in here? How did you get up there?"

Donnie nuzzled into the pillow, sighing. "It makes me feel better. Raph's gone, but when I'm in here, it doesn't feel like that. And it hurt getting up here but I didn't really care so snarky laugh."

Leo nodded. He noticed bandages lining his brother's leathery shell. Tentatively, he reached for them, and Donnie flinched.

"Please don't. It still hurts."

The slider respected his brother's wishes. He did, however, jump up, sidle into the bed and onto his side, facing Donnie. The soft-shell stared at him for a moment, accepting that Leo was where he was, and pressed his fingers deeper into the sheets. They creased like tiny little mountains.

The mattress was a little hard to sleep on, but it still felt nice. There was the distinct smell of their brother still on there, like he wasn't gone, like he was just out on a solo mission for a little while. Little parts of the mattress were shredded here and there, clearly from the spikes on his shell. His shell. His broken, bloody shell. Leo sniffed, trying not to think about it, but erupted into a soft cry anyway.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Donnie's hand. He gave him a few pats before retracting it. Leo began to quiet down.

"How are you handling this?" Leo asked softly, sorrow dripping from his voice.

"Logic." Donnie explained. "Raph is gone. We did what we could. There's no point in fighting it." He blinked away several tears. "I have no reason to be sad. He's in a better place now. It's the rest of you I'm worried about." The soft-shell sighed and gave Leo a knowing glance. "You. How are you...doing?"

Leo frowned. "Fine."

"Your screaming from earlier isn't helping that statement at all."

Leo gave a small grumble. "Yeah, 'course I'm not fine. How can I be fine when my brother just died? He was right there, and then he suddenly wasn't." Tears began pouring through his words. "The last thing he probably saw was you hurt and us panicking. I want him back, Don, I want him back. I still can't believe he's..." Leo started to cry dryly, his tears used up from the sobbing he had done some time earlier. Donnie continued to stare emotionlessly. Leo's eye twitched, and he finally gave him an angry scowl. 

"Are you really over it?" Leo snapped. "That fast?"

Donnie closed his eyes. "No. I want him back too." He pulled up a hand and bit his thumb gently. "I wanted to ride the tank again with him. I want his hugs again. I want to hear him tell me how great I'm doing even when it's already so fucking obvious. He's my big brother too, y'know. Of course I'm not 'over it'. You piece of shit. This is just how I cope."

Leo stared into the sheets, muttering an apology. Donnie heaved another sigh, and lightly tapped at his shell.

"The damage wasn't horrible. Just painful. Papa had to remove a lot of metal scrap from my shell, and it hurt so much I passed out." He explained. "Some bits he was only able to do because of his weird rat nails. Anyway, I'll be fine as long as I don't put pressure on my shell for about a week."

_So Raph really was the one that needed tending to first. Donnie would have been fine. If I were smarter, I'd known that. Donnie knew it too, probably. I'm a failure._

Leo sat up and got off the bed. His feet hit the floor with a padded thwack. Donnie's eyes followed him as he walked out. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know." Leo shrugged. He passed by the shelf of teddy bears and picked one up. It had a quilted design, with little button eyes of different colors. Leo knew the names of the teddy bears Raph had kept, but never knew which was assigned to who. And now he'd probably never know.

Leo tossed it to Donnie, where it lightly hit him in the arm. Donnie gave him a raised eyebrow, but took the bear anyway and set it next to him neatly. Leo left the two of them to get acquainted, pulling back the curtain and returning to his own room. He sat down on his bed, his stomach still screaming at him to get some food.

Leo decided it wasn't worth the time. He allowed himself to stare up at the ceiling until all he could see was nothingness.

Something tugged at the edge of his shell. He was yanked out of bed by somebody who looked like himself, and pulled into the harsh shadow of the skyscraper again. It had not yet fallen, and the giant mutant was still rampaging. He watched his dream self give his brothers the plan.

"So first, we set up a bunch of dynamite. Donnie's on that, right?" The purple ninja turtle gave him a quick mock salute. "Good! Raph, Mikey, you distract the crazy mutant kaiju while I evacuate anyone else still around. When he's in position, I'll teleport the both of you out, and then Donnie, and we'll watch the magic happen."

"What about the part where you kill Raph?" Mikey piped up.

"Huh?"

"Yeah. I wanna know how undignified my death is gonna be." Raph said. "Are you gonna let me be eaten, or will I end up being crushed by the skyscraper?"

"Oh my gosh, bro, no, I'm gonna just slice you in half myself. See?" Leo watched his dream self summon one of his katanas and place it next to Raph's neck. He saw the katana swing, a sickening sound of flesh and bone breaking as Dream Leo decapitated the snapper easily. Raph's head rolled over in Leo's view and he screamed, seeing it didn't have eyes. But his hands did. Dead eyes staring at him from his palms. Leo could feel the wind rushing past him as he slipped and fell off the building, waking up to a horrible bruise and the cold, hard ground next to his bed. He groggily sat up, staring at his eyeless hands. It was his fault.

Why was that so easy for him to believe?

"Leo?"

The turtle in question raised his face to find Donnie, raising his blue curtain just enough to let through. He held two stuffed bears in the crook of an arm; the quilted one Leo threw at him earlier, and a pink one. 

"What are you doing up?" Leo asked. "You should be in bed resting!"

"Mmhm." Donatello took a moment to motion that Leo himself was on the cold floor nursing a bruise. "I've come to realize I'm the big brother now." He said. "It's my job to take care of you guys. Even if it hurts a little bit."

Leo processed that, then proceeded to ignore the statement altogether in favor of worrying about his twin. "You shouldn't be walking, get back to bed."

"Do I look like I care, dipshit?" The soft-shell softly snarled back. He walked over and handed one of the teddy bears to Leo. It was incredibly soft, a baby pink with a worn ribbon tied around it's belly like a belt. "Here. Thought you might need this."

The slider sniffed it. It appeared to be recently cleaned, but traces of Raph were still there. Smells that made him think of his laugh, or his roughhousing, or his almost gluttonous appetite. It was almost funny how even the most simple and non-crucial things about Raph had become like mined gold.

"Thanks, D." Leo said. Donnie nodded, clutching the quilted one tighter to his soft plastron.

"I'm gonna go lay down for a bit." He said. "Uh, when I wake up, we can all have a nice family food-related gathering."

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" Leo joked half-heartedly. Donnie shrugged.

"Someone who learned the hard way how easy it is to lose someone." He gave Leo a dejected expression, and then left.

If Leo had ears like his dad, they'd be folded back by now. Learned the hard way?

Was Donnie talking about _him_?

In hindsight, yeah, it was all his fault. His plan. His failure. Raph trying to fix it like he always does and failing at a horrible cost. But if somebody else had figured out a better solution, none of this would have happened. They'd be sitting around the breakfast table, laughing it up.

What time was it? Leo snuck a glance at his alarm clock. 5:00 in the afternoon. His perception of time really had been skewered. Leo sighed, slumping over and moving the toy bear in his hand to face him.

"You look like a Cheech, huh?" He asked the bear. "Is that your name?"

"Cheech" didn't seem to argue. He poked it on the nose and placed the plushie on his nightstand. Leo swallowed, and realized he hadn't eaten anything since the croissant yesterday (or was it this morning?) and even then he threw it all up anyway.

Leo desperately wanted to go to the kitchen and grab a snack. But he remembered the fridge. Maybe if he asked the resident chef, Mikey, he could whip them something up-

Mikey.

Leo hadn't even thought about how he was handling this. Leo hadn't thought about him at all. Shit. Some brother he was. Mikey was the one who needed tending to the most. With Donnie resting, it was up to Leo to care for his baby brother. He stood up and pulled away the curtain to his room.

Maybe he wouldn't fuck this one up.

Leo raced up and down stairs, forgetting exactly where the kitchen was, before he caught a beautiful scent that made his lungs smile. It smelled...so good. Really good, enticing and delicious. Leo followed the smell, and absentmindedly wandered into the kitchen.

Stepping inside, he saw Mikey whistling a familiar tune as he flipped a pancake. He was giggling to himself, and muttering "you're the funniest". Splinter was at the table, drinking a cup of chamomile. Odd, he was never at the breakfast table. Upon hearing Leo entering, Mikey turned to greet him, his grin a little beam of sunlight. Leo noticed his younger brother was in full gear, unlike himself; he didn't even have pajamas on, let alone a ninja mask.

"See, told ya he'd be down for dinner!" Mikey elbowed the air next to him, running over and giving Leo a huge hug. About a hundred band-aids were slapped on his skin, each one a different color or theme. "Leo, I missed you! Doin' okay?" He was smiling, and not a hint of sadness lined his shell.

Leo swallowed, not sure how to answer Mikey's query. "...No?"

"Well, I got something that'll turn that frown upside down- breakfast for dinner!" He presented four plates, each with a perfectly circular pancake resting upon them. They were dotted with fruits, each one corresponding to each brother. Oranges for the cook, blackberries for the techie, blueberries for the failure, and strawberries for Raph.

Wait. Raph wasn't here. Was that a mistake?

Leo stifled back tears in his eyes, taking a deep breath to compose himself. "Mikey. This is really sweet, thank you. Is the strawberry plate for dad?"

"Huh? No, dad's plate isn't finished yet. It's still on the stooOOOVE!" Mikey rushed to the pan, where a flicker of smoke had begun to rise from the fluffy delicacy that laid atop it. He quickly yanked it to a cooler section of the stovetop. "Argh! Dad, I'm so sorry, I burnt yours."

"Eh." Splinter shrugged. "That's fine, Orange."

Mikey sighed in relief before turning his attention back to Leo. "So to answer your question, the strawberry one is for Raph. Duh."

Leo's heart nearly stopped. Did he just say what he thought he said? He did. He did say it. This wasn't good. Was Mikey in deep denial? Or had he not remembered yesterday at all? Leo shuffled over, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder. Somebody had to tell him.

"Mikey, Raph...isn't here though. You know that, right?" Leo was barely above a whisper.

"Um. Of course he is! He helped me make them!" Mikey said happily, whilst applying chocolate chips to the burnt 'cake.

_Oh no._


End file.
